Hola, mi amigos.
I see that there have been some very interesting discussions on the blog over the past few days. For those of you that read and don’t respond, don’t be afraid. Let me know your thoughts. I really like hearing from my supporters.
I must admit that I have been having a very difficult time coming up with a blog topic lately. There have been so many topics that I have been asked to discuss. Therefore, choosing one topic per day (or every other day) has proven to be more troublesome than I, initially, anticipated. But today, I have decided to keep true to my word and continue the highly requested topic of loneliness. Here goes…
As I currently look back at my brief life, I can easily recall several periods at which I suffered from feelings of loneliness and depression. And sadly enough, some of them were near fatal. However, the periods at which I experienced these feelings the most, and the longest, were after the death of my mother and immediately following my divorce.
The first few months following the split between my wife and I, was one of the most toughest periods of my life. Late night tears often soaked my pillows to stain. The loneliness and isolation were almost too much to bear. The thoughts of failure haunted me, causing a series of sleepless nights and a deterioration of my health. The frustrations arising from the lack of intimacy left me ready to physically explore the first woman that crossed my path, thereby causing me to take on the image of the man that I never was and the man that I had never anticipated becoming. I was completely depressed and didn’t know how to deal with it. I had failed. I lost my family and worst of all, I didn’t have anyone else to talk. Sure, I could put on a strong face in public. But it was those long nights alone that literally drove me crazy.
Approximately three months into my bout of emotional solitude, I began to experience chest pains. As time progressed, and my depression lingered, the chest pains increased in, both, intensity and frequency. Until one day, during a heated phone exchange between myself and my, soon to be ex-wife, the pains that often went ignored and dismissed as heart burn hit with an unbearable intensity. Collapsing to the floor, I grabbed my chest and prayed to God to rescue me from a loneliness that was determined to take my life.
It was the news from the doctors in the emergency room that caused me to take a long look at my life. According to the doctors, that evening, I was on the verge of having a massive heart attack. I was in shape. I was in the prime of my life. Yet, I was almost taken out from depression. After this incident, I began a long period of examination. And here’s what I came up with:
For starters, loneliness is often a symptom of depression, which is, in no way, a natural human emotion. Therefore, its presence often indicates an imbalance of some sort. Out of all of the times that I have experienced loneliness and depression, there was one thing that held true. During some of these periods my financial or job situation was positive, while during others, it wasn’t. Sometimes I was in a relationship; and others I was not. However, despite the various scenarios of my social life, there was one common denominator. In every case of loneliness or depression, I began to understand that my actions no longer paralleled my values.
During the first three months of the separation from my wife, I began to seek and fulfill my need for intimacy in ways that no longer coincided with my values. For instance, you may have just gotten out of a long relationship, and you feel that you are worth more than what that relationship may have offered. However, in your actions, you currently focus on the pain and the expectations that your former mate failed to meet. In this case, your values suggest that you are worth more than what you are getting. However, your actions (thoughts) are contrary to such values. So, CLK.com, how do I deal with this loneliness?
Here are a few quick ideas on how I dealt with the loneliness:
1) Turn the focus off of you onto someone else. Give to someone else. It always makes you feel better.
2) Focus on your purpose. Your current situation has gotten you away from the true purpose of your life. You know that you are worth more than what you are currently doing. Get on purpose.
3) Keep busy. The more time that you have to do nothing, the more time you have to focus on the wrong things.
4) WRITE! Writing often helps me. It actually became my therapy. Who knows, maybe you may have a book in you. I did.
5) Enjoy Yourself. Do things that you enjoy. Understand that your current situation is only seasonal. Pamper yourself. Make yourself feel good. No one wants to be around a killjoy.
I hope this was helpful. Enjoy.
CLK.com
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