Dear Christopher,

I have come to accept that it is highly unlikely that you will produce a post that is not substantive and thought-provoking. “If I’d Know Then…” what a hefty topic )

Like yourself, this calls up many images to memory…so I’ll downsize it to what remains prominent in my mind. Firstly, while I have many of these backwards-epiphanies, I find it important not to overstay my time in the reflection zone.

Sometimes, if I’m not careful, the situations that should provide insight for my future become barbs that scar me… In the past, I’ve allowed regret to overshadow the silver lining and found myself on a slippery slope to despair because I didn’t make better decisions. How unhealthy…

Secondly, I learned (after steering away from that mindset), to have the aha moments like you mentioned above, where I said “well, I really hate that happened – but I can take what I learned and not only move forward, but share my experiences so that I can help someone else.”

The next point that glared at me from your posting had to do with your nostalgic memories of “the way things used to be”. While my experiences weren’t exactly the same, I do fondly (and fairly often) recall when I grew up with my extended family. It was me, my two younger brothers, adopted sister, mom, dad, uncle, and grandmother. We dubbed ourselves, “Eight Is Enough” (ha ha).

Like many others, I didn’t “realize how poor we were” until later…because it never stood out in my mind. I knew we weren’t “rich”, but I did feel rich when it came to our family experiences. We spent a lot of time together (and I guess when you don’t have money, most people do!). But I remember many nights where we’d just sit in the living room and talk – I know that isn’t so common anymore, but I loved it.

I’d listen to my grandmother tell stories about her old relatives and how funny they were, and she’d laugh from the depths of her belly…and whenever she’d tell a story that cracked her up, we could never understand what she was saying because of how hard she was laughing. but her laugh was so peculiar, it made everybody else laugh – and it seemed like we could do that for hours. even with us not being adults, we always had a contribution to the conversation. we thought we were class acts, and they thought we were “a mess”. It was so much fun. There was so much love. As a kid, I could have done it every day…in fact, I miss it terribly.

Now, my siblings are all married except my youngest brother in high school. My uncle died of AIDS. My parents are divorced (for the 2nd time – from each other), and my grandmother is in the early stages of alzheimers…and it hurts…because I wish those times remained…but…

Now that I have a family of my own, I treasure every moment – literally. I try not to be a workholic, so I can have a lenghthy bath time with my two boys every night. We put toys in the water, play make believe, wash hair, play games. We do story time 3-5 times a week before we go to bed. We say our prayers and “talk to God”. We discuss his day and have extensive conversations about his questions, observations, and “concerns” of course (the 3 yr old).

I get on the floor and play blocks and talk about lightning mcqueen (cartoon car), we discuss classmates and we run around the house…in essence, both my husband and i try to make sure that our children’s memories will be filled with so much love that they don’t know anything else…we want them to have good old days, too.

like you…i remember when…and i wish i could get those days back. while i only have my memories to hold on to, i thank god for the opportunity to create memories for my boys. since i know now, what i learned then, a vow to do things better…

“If I Would Have Known Then What I Know Now” is a cliché I often reflect on when I am faced with important decisions and situations in my life. I liken this quote to a familiar passage in the Bible, found in the book of I Corinthians 13:11.(KJV) “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” Many times, we make foolish decisions because we do not know better. However, as we age, we become experienced in life, becoming wiser to make better judgment and sound decisions. I have had many situations of “If I would have known…” moments, so many that I could write a book on the topic. I could choose to allow these moments to affect me in a negative manner, but I choose to embrace those moments, because as I ponder on decisions I need to make or not make, I reflect on what I’ve learned. I’m glad that I’ve experienced these moments; they are a path leading me towards future. As I reflect on what I’ve learned from my experiences, I am moved to share with others, hopefully helping them to make sound decisions through my experiences. All in all, I have no regrets.

Thank you CLK for this wonderful blog!