Buenos dias mis amigos. Although I took several years of Spanish in school, and even attempted to continue that education with several home study courses, I’m sorry to say that that’s the extent of my knowledge of espanol. What does that have to do with today’s blog? Absolutely nothing. It was just something that I felt like saying. Okay, enough about that. For those of you that read yesterday’s blog, “Beauty Won’t Keep Him…,” you should be in for a real treat. As promised, today, I will touch on the issues of men.
I must admit being a man is hard work. Okay, we may not have the burden of childbirth, but at least women get credit for that. At least they are respected and admired for the work they do. Throughout their lives, women will often get a host of praises, compliments, and gifts letting them know that they are appreciated. Hell, they even get nice songs written about them. As Chris Rock said, “The only song about men is ‘Papa was a Rolling Stone’.” The only things men get are questions and complaints. “Where are all the good men?” “All men are dogs.” “All the men are either dead, in jail, or gay.” Yes, it’s true, we often get a bad rap. But let’s be real. Men, do you blame the women for feeling this way?
Over the last six months, I have had more female friends, than I care to remember, recall their many dating or relationship horror stories. Abusive relationships. Men who lack vision, affection, and conversation. Stagnant men. Men who only talk about themselves, sports, or themselves playing sports. And let’s not forget those controlling men that expect their woman to obey their every command for the simple fact that they are THE MAN. I’m sorry guys. While it may be good, and sometimes necessary, for the everyday battles of competitive activities, the ever present element of male machismo has clearly caused us to disconnect from those individuals whose attention we often compete for–the women. And as we continue to emphatically pound our chests and loudly bellow out our ‘I AM MAN. HEAR ME ROAR’ battle cries, we have become so impressed with our own manliness that we have desperately forgotten how to be the men that our women are begging us to be. Yes, men, we have become completely selfish. And in that selfishness, we have developed expectations and requirements of our women that we, ourselves, are not prepared, willing, or capable of meeting ourselves.
For us, we want our women to demonstrate their support for us, even during our everlasting periods of stagnation. They must stroke our egos with praise, even during our periods of mediocrity. And we have the nerve to desire sexual fulfillment when we refuse to demonstrate the slightest acts of affection. We want our women to be smart, beautiful, and understanding. We want them to love, listen, and respect us. Hell, we want our women to stand on their heads, clap their hands, and play remnants of ‘I Believe I Can Fly’ on the kazzoo. We want them to do things that we are not willing to do ourselves. Here’s a thought men. Let’s turn the focus off of ourselves for a minute and see where that gets us. Let’s try to focus on some of their needs and see if these negative thoughts don’t change. But, what are those needs? Well, I’m glad you asked. Like yesterday, today, I will list some of the top needs of a woman:
#5: Family Commitment – At all costs, she wants to know that you will be there. She wants to be able to depend on you. When all else fails, you need to be there for your family. You are the head of that family. A body, without a head, cannot survive.
#4: Financial Security – I know, fellas. Sometimes, it gets hard out there. But, don’t be afraid to get on your legal hustle. The kids must eat and have a roof over their heads. Don’t shy away from this responsibility.
#3: Open Honesty – Someone once told me, “We tell the truth to those that we don’t like, but lie to those that we care about.” I admit. I laughed at the time. But this is no excuse. I am not saying that I have always been honest. Lord knows that’s not the case; but let’s work on developing that friendship that perpetuates an open line of communication. If we nail down these first few needs, the respect that we desire will be there.
#2: Conversation – Yes, this one is tough. Women can talk. However, this is where you work on building the intimacy of your relationship. Talk to her. Listen to her. If she can talk to you, she will do whatever she can for you.
#1: Affection – Hug her. Kiss her. But more than that, let her know that she’s special. Try touching her in nonsexual ways. If everytime you touch her it’s an indication that you want sex, she is going to feel like a piece of meat. She’s not going to feel appreciated. Try giving her at least 10 nonsexual touches per day. She will appreciate it.
Fellas, I am not saying that I am a guru. Nor do I have this whole thing figured out. However, these are a few tips that I picked up along the way after miserably failing so many times. And yes, like you, I must also be intentional about satisfying the very needs that I talked about. However, it has definitely helped my ability to build and maintain better relationships. Good luck and thanks again for all of the support.
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