I recently heard someone make the comment, “You should speak to everyone that you didn’t wake up with.” And seeing that I didn’t wake up with any of you, or anyone else, I send you all my salutations. “Good morning, family.” Okay, let’s begin…
Contrary to what many people may believe, writing these daily blogs is an arduous task. At least, it is for me. No, not because I’m struggling to come up with interesting topics. With all of the requests that I have received over the past few weeks, I think I can probably write everyday for the next year without repeating myself. And no, being transparent isn’t the most difficult part either, Surprisingly, I believe that I am getting accustomed to providing a certain level of transaprency to my supporters. While it is not always easy to provide you with such an open window to my life, I find that certain topics prove to be easier than others to address. However, as I sit prepared to again tackle the issues of forgiveness, I find myself in an interesting position of having to face the most difficult part of writing these blogs.
Honestly, it would be extremely easy to write to you, giving you my thoughts, and never taking heed to my own advice. You know, the approach that we often take with our children–the do as I say and not as I do approach. However, this morning, I find myself having to use my own words not only as encouragement, but as a reference, as I am forced to practice what I preach.
Yesterday, I inadvertently hurt someone that is very dear to me. And while this was definitely not the first time, and certainly won’t be the last, that a person has been disappointed by my words or actions, it bothers me all the same. To hear the pain in their voice, caused me almost as much pain as I had caused them. How could I be so stupid? So inconsiderate and careless? How could I be so selfish?
And while I was forced to humble myself and ask for their forgiveness, I found myself in an unusual position of having to also grant MY forgiveness during THEIR period of disappointment. Yes, I was wrong. And an argument can be made that there were things that they could have also done differently. However, hours after the incident had taken place and apologies accepted, I still remained restless and unable to move forward throughout my day. And while I believe that I have been granted a pardon from any further resentment, I found myself unable to forgive the one person that was responsible for my current restless state–myself.
As I stated before, this was not the first, or the last time, that I have fallen short of certain expectations. However, like many of you, I am my worst critic. I often hold myself to a higher standard than others. Yet, similar to our external relationships, a lack of forgiveness, internally, often prevents us from moving forward and establishing positive and future relationships with others. An inability to forgive oneself often leads to a world of self-doubt, low self-esteem, and later, an inability to move into your greatness. Therefore, last night, I found myself having to initiate the process of forgiveness for myself, by going through the following steps:
1) Make the decision to forgive. Whether we are attempting to forgive others, or ourselves, we must first make a decision that we are going to forgive. When this decision is made, you are saying that you desire to overcome the hurt and disappointment that you have experienced. You also must understand that the process of forgiveness cannot begin without a conscious decision to begin that process.
2) Find value in the person that’s seeking forgiveness Before I can begin to forgive others, or myself, I must recognize that the person seeking forgiveness still has value. Once again, this does not necessarily mean that they are personally beneficial to me. But, they have value in God’s eyes. Regardless of the hurt or the pain that has been caused, this person is still worthy of forgiveness. When you can see value in the one that you are forgiving, you will then begin to understand that the decisions that were made were merely poor choices.
3) Continuously pray. There’s a saying that says, “Time heals all wounds.” While this may be true, I also believe that prayer is the vehicle that allows us to be made whole over time. Don’t let the hurt control you, your other relationships, or your progress. If you have chosen not to continue a relationship with the person seeking forgiveness, pray for them as well.
4) Create new memories. I find it sad that, as humans, we focus more on the negative than the positive. For example, someone could do a world of good in their life. However, once they do something that’s negatively perceived, we tend to forget all the positive things that they did. Therefore, if you have decided to continue a relationship with your transgressor, you must seek to create new positive memories. If you have truly found value in that person, focus on their value.
While it is definitely difficult to forgive others, I find that many of us struggle with simply forgiving ourselves. We blame ourselves for partaking in negative relationships, poor choices, and for various shortcomings. But as I write this post, currently going through several of my own forgiveness processes, I realize that if I can’t find value within myself, it is extremely difficult to find it others. And with that thought, I now write my letter asking for forgiveness:
To Whom It May Concern (including myself),
Will you forgive me?
Sincerely,
Me
Forgive others. But, most importantly, learn to forgive yourself.
Thank you.
CLK.com