Good morning, family. Over the past few weeks, I have taken a slight hiatus from the discussion of relationships. However, given the many questions and concerns that I have received recently on such topics, I thought it necessary to resurrect such topics. What’s interesting is that, in many cases, there are usually one of two aspects of someone’s life that cause them to be unhappy. Either they are suffering from financial trouble or having relationship issues. Now, there are other issues that arise. However, when many people call me for assistance, nine times out of ten, it is one of these two concerns. So, today, I will briefly discuss the latter. Enjoy.
If I were to compile a list of my frequently asked questions, I am sure that one of the top three questions would be, “Chris, why did you get married?” And while my interrogators often appear to be hesitant in asking such a question, my pledged degree of transparency doesn’t allow me to display the same reluctancy in providing an answer. However, I do find it rather amusing to see the natural expression on people’s faces when they receive an answer that is unexpected, but moreso inappropriate. So, you can imagine what joy I get when I witness their response to my reply, “I got married because I was on drugs.” And as they patiently wait for me to follow my response with a more appropriate answer, I then provide them with a stern look that indicates my seriousness of the matter.
Okay, before I get a barrage of phone calls and email messages telling me how wrong I am for that comment, let me explain. Yes, there was love in my relationship. As a matter of fact, there were even many happy moments that we shared. However, the question was, “Why did I get married?” Or, better yet, “Why did I get involved in the relationship to begin with?” And the answer to that question is simply because I wanted to be happy. In other words, I did exactly what many of you do. I got into a relationship with the uninformed expectations that the relationship would provide me with the happiness that I was in search of.
When we think of illegal drugs, we instantly think of drugs such as cocaine, marijuana, and heroin. However, as we know, there are many more drugs that exist. Before we move forward in defining my so called drug abuse, let’s take a closer look at the definition of a drug. In this case, drugs are external items that we use to provide us with internal highs during our emotional, physical, and/or psychological lows.
Prior to the time of my relationship, I was in the middle of one of the most toughest periods of my life. I was experiencing depression and unhappiness. And while I was rarely alone, I still battled from extreme cases of loneliness. There was no place that I could turn that could offer me the peace and solace that I so greatly desired. I needed someone. I wanted someone. And if I could only get that special someone that I could share my life with, I would be happy, so I thought. And then it happened. One glorious evening in March of 2001, I found her. I found my very own good girl that I could share my life with. She made me feel good. She made me feel important. And she gave me worth. Finally, I had found the one that would provide me with the happiness that I yearned for, thereby discovering the ‘drug’ that would provide me with an internal high during my emotional low. My drug of choice was my relationship.
I often speak from a standpoint of marriage because that’s what I know. That’s what I have experienced. However, there are many of you that may not be married but clearly expect your relationships to provide you with happiness that you are unable to achieve on your own. And while some of you may not be in relationships, your drug of choice may be something else, such as your career, money, and other materialistic possessions. However, the trouble with drugs is that they often can be misused, thereby leading to drug abuse. And as abuse of the drug continues, we begin to develop a tolerance. The more we engage in certain drugs, the more accustomed we grow to their original effects until the initial highs that we once received are no longer sufficient for our needs. In these cases, we either increase our dosage or move to more potent drugs of choice. Let me explain…
I have seen the following example occur many times in relationships. As the original highs of the relationship begin to fade, the couple yearns to seek other methods to provide them with the emotional high that they seek. Therefore, many of them elect to have children, thinking that the birth of a child may bring them closer and assist in the mending of the relationship. When the child finally arrives, they begin to pour all of their emotional energy into the care of the child, thereby causing a bigger rift in the original relationship. What has taken place at this point is that they have moved on to a bigger and more potent drug–their child–as they continue to search for the happiness that they never had to begin with. And as the child gets older and no longer demonstrates a dependence on its parents, the couple begins to seek other methods of obtaining their emotional highs, which perpetuate the cycle of drug abuse.
Am I saying that you can’t be happy in relationships? ABSOLUTELY NOT. THAT IS NOT WHAT I AM SAYING. What I am saying is that relationships are not the place to become happy. Marriage is not a place to get happy. It is a place that you go when you have an over abundance of happiness. It is my job to provide you with tips that will assist you in achieving that happiness prior to moving forward in your relationships. The failure of our relationships can often be attributed to the fact that they fail to meet our expectations. Unfortunately, that primary expectation has been to provide us with that internal high during our emotional lows.
Therefore, when I am asked that frequently asked question of “Why did I get married,” I honestly can say that I was on drugs.
Let me know your thoughts.
CLK.com