During the entire month of February, I had the pleasure of broadcasting a lenghty and informative series on relationships on my internet talk show–The Real Talk Empowerment Commentaries. And while I am sure that some people had an expectation and even a slight desire for me to cover topics such as Who’s Your Daddy, or Why Do Men Cheat, and Dealing With Baby Mama Drama, out of the sanctity of true empowerment discussions, I am happy to report that I was able to omit such topics from the show’s lineup while still providing informative, exciting, and empowering discussions on the topics that matter to us most. Within the twelve part series, we were able to address topics such as The Truth About Love, The Stages of Relationships, Surviving Breakup & Divorce, and of course, Marriage. And although the response from our listening audience was overwhelmingly positive, at times, there seemed to be a level of disappointment that would overtake me.
During the month-long series, I was excited to receive many emails, phone calls, and messages referring to the broadcasts. However, in the midst of those messages, I noticed that a large percentage of them were from individuals hurting and confused about their personal relationships. But what disturbed me even more was how many of those messages expressed an underlying fear and in some cases, a disdain for the commitment of marriage. There were messages from individuals involved in current marriages expressing their unhappiness, messages from divorcees illustrating their fears of doing it again, and even worse, messages from singles questioning the purpose of marriage as they reflected on the unhappiness of their married counterparts. This disappointing experience quickly made me recall a recent incident that took place in my life.
While engaging in a brief discussion about the topic of marriage with one of my friends, I could easily recognize her desire and excitement to have that lifetime mate. Involved in a relationship at the time with someone that she truly cared about, I could detect that she had, at times, wondered how it would be to be married to her mate. And being the person that I am, I encouraged it. However, not more than 24 hours after our discussion, my friend calls me and begins to explain how in that short amount of time, she had been bombarded with stories of marital discontent by her friends. In the midst of her positive feelings on the thoughts of perhaps pursuing a marital relationship, she had been totally consumed with the negatives. Needless to say, those positive thoughts that she once had were overturned by thoughts of confusion as she then began to ask me, “What’s the point?” If all of these people are ending up divorced, if all of them are unhappy in marriage, what’s the point of marriage? Why would I go into something that I know that I am going to be unhappy in? And as much as I hate to say it, she was right. Based on what she had just experienced, her questions were justified. It was at that point that my disappointment had reached an all time high.
Not only are more marriages ending in divorce, but it seems that the same sentiments that my friend possessed are being experienced with individuals all across the nation, thereby causing the institute of marriage to undergo an obselescence that we can’t ignore. Over the years, marriage has gotten a bad reputation. And sadly enough, it has been created by–MARRIED FOLK. So many married individuals sit in barber shops, hair salons, on the telephones with friends promoting their unhappiness and encouraging others not to engage in such acts. And yes, I was one of them. But in the midst of our disdain for something that was intended to be so beautiful, we fail to inform our friends that what we are truly unhappy with is that we have come to the realization that we engaged in something that we did not quite understand. What I am saying is that most unhappy married couples are not unhappy with marriage, they are unhappy because they have now come face to face with the realization that they said “I do,” when they really meant “I don’t.” They are unhappy with the fact that they moved forward in something that they did not understand and had unrealistic expectations about and now those unrealistic expectations are not being met. They are unhappy with the fact that now they are forced to admit that they made a poor choice and that poor choice now is a reflection of their feelings and understanding of themselves. But even worse, they are too prideful to admit it and too afraid to correct it. So, yes, I am dissappointed in married folk. And yes, I include myself in that category because I, too, contributed to the negative reputation of marriage. So consider this a public service announcement. This is the beginning of the new marriage marketing campaign. Marriage is not bad. It’s great, especially when you have gained an understanding of who you are and what it was created to be.
Let me know your thoughts.
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